Main Navigation
PirateThreat
Britain has been living with a serious and sustained threat from piracy for centuries now and, although it is extremely unlikely you will ever be confronted by a pirate, several groups are known to be operating in the UK.
One particularly notorious group are known to be at large in South-east England, having taken advantage of recent technological improvements in the transport infrastructure to move inland from Britain's coastline and onto its railways. These notorious brigands - the self-styled "Train Pirates" - are known to move clandestinely around the disused branch lines of Britain's rail network in their bastardised locomotive, "The Whore of Clapham", and are thought to have been responsible for several recent attacks on commuter trains. According to recent articles in the underground monthly "Man-Patch" magazine, the Train Pirates are led by a former web design consultant known as Captain Pike "The Scab" Goitre.
In collaboration with our colleagues at Network Rail Revenue HQ, the Clown Security Service is seeking to combat this threat by all means necessary.
Therefore the current pirate threat level is assessed as 'severe'.
How You Can Help
Information about the current threats to national security posed by pirates.
Ninja Threat
Information about the current threats to national security posed by ninjas.
Current Threats
